Manifesting: Pick 1 out of 3

I’m exploring an interesting thought, around manifesting.

I’m assuming by now you’ve heard of the “Law of Attraction” and know basically that you can “manifest” anything you want into your life, by getting clear on what you want, feeling it as if it’s already happened, then letting it go and taking intuitive and/or inspired feel-good actions as they come. (There, I just saved you $19.95 on a manifesting book you no longer have to buy. That’s the whole “secret,” in a simplified nutshell.)

The idea is, you can manifest “what” you want — but you have to leave the “how” and “when” up to the Universe (or God or whatever supernatural force or label you want to apply here).

But what if your “when” is what’s really important, more so than the details of the “what” or “how”?

Let me give you an example.

A Friend Manifests Her Soulmate

I had this friend, years ago, who really wanted a boyfriend — no, her soulmate — like ASAP. She was tired of dating. Tired of being single. Tired of not being with her soulmate. So she got impatient, put her foot down, and more or less “demanded” from God/the Universe/etc that her soulmate show up within the next 3 months. Period.

She gave God a deadline.

And you know what? A guy showed up.

…and he was “mostly” a match.

I won’t get into the details. But as an outside observer, I didn’t feel they were a great match at all. There were some big issues and red flags, but I won’t get into them. Mutual friends and I saw their relationship and all seemed to agree “he’s not her soulmate.” But, to be fair, only she and that guy were in the relationship. I don’t know what it was actually like from the inside. Only they knew. And maybe it was a great match for them. Maybe they were each other’s perfect soulmates. It didn’t look that way from the outside, but who knows — honestly, sincerely, maybe on the inside it was everything they both dreamed of and more.

But it got me thinking.

When my friend decided she was going to manifest her soulmate in the next 3 months no matter what, she was very clear on the “three months” deadline part. When I asked her about the qualities of her dream man, or what their relationship experience would feel like, she was still pretty vague.

Perhaps, for her at that time in her life, those details were less important.

Owning What You Actually Want and Need

And I don’t mean to say that in a bad way. What’s important to you is what’s important to you. There’s no judgment in that. We want what we want; we need what we need. Period. That’s just how life works. If you need someone who’s tall, dark, and handsome — then that’s what’s important to you. That’s what matters. If you need someone who’s really rich, or smart, or famous, or whatever — if that’s what, deep down honestly in your heart, you really want and need: okay. Great. Own it. Honor it. Allow it.

I’m saying this to myself as much as anybody else. Society, our parents, our peers, our religious teachers… everybody seems to love telling us who and what we “should” want, who and what we “should” love, who and what we “should” be attracted to… But only you know what’s actually important and meaningful to you personally, at this time in your life.

It may change over time. It may not.

Just be honest, with yourself, about it. It’ll make both you and your future partner happier, when you’re living from your truthful integrity, your actual honest feelings and desires — rather than what you think or were told you “should” feel and want.

Got it? Good. Moving on.

Manifesting It “Now”

So, in the example of my friend, she wanted a guy now; the other details were less important.

In manifesting, we’re told we can choose “what” we want — but not “when” or “how” it shows up.

But what if your “what” is actually a “when,” like in my friend’s case?

That was the focus of her intention. That was her main desire. Someone “within 3 months” — not “my perfect match, whenever it happens.”

Choosing Your Focus

So that got me thinking. There’s three parts to this equation: what, when, and how.

What if, instead, you didn’t care “who” the guy was, or even “when” you met him, but it was important that you met him through a mutual friend. That’s a “how.” Maybe you feel safer meeting a guy that way. Or maybe it’s important that you share mutual friends with him. I don’t know. There could be many reasons why the “how you met him” was more important to you than “what he’s like” or “when it happens.”

But wouldn’t it be great if we could control all 3 at the same time?

“I want to meet this amazing guy with all these specific qualities and traits, I want to meet him by Friday, and I want to meet him at the grocery store in the dairy aisle, as he makes a cheesy joke about the different types of cheeses available.”

The what, the when, and the how.

Ultimate Power

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to declare and control all that?

It’d be like… be like… being God or something.

And even God doesn’t do that. You know, free will and all…

Seems to me God created a giant complex infinitely deep, wide, and varied playground — and then created us and said, “Okay humans, have fun, live your lives, do what you want, be who you want. There’s consequences, though, so maybe you shouldn’t do these certain things, but it is your life, and I’ll give you the freedom to do that stuff anyway if you really want. I love you. Be good.”

Anyway, I’m diverting off topic.

Some Examples

My point is, maybe we can manifest either the “what,” the “when,” or the “how” — but only 1 of the 3 at any time, for any particular manifestation.

Want to manifest a million dollars? Great. That’s a clear and specific “what.” Leave the when and how up to God. Follow your guidance. God knows the best way for you, and it’s likely something better than what you could ever figure out all on your own.

Want to manifest some money, but it needs to be within 30 days? Cool. That’s a specific “when.” But the exact amount (the “what”) and “how” it shows up should be left out of your control.

Want to manifest money, but only through your own business? That’s a very clear “how.” So better leave the amount and timeline up to God.

You get to pick 1 of the 3.


I dunno. I could be completely wrong about all this. This is a thought I’m currently exploring. What do you think?

Then Again…

Or maybe, what if, it’s “2 out of 3”?

Maybe we can pick what and when, but not how. Or what and how, but not when. Etc.

All I can say is, at least in my own life, I’ve never successfully controlled all three variables at the exact same time for the exact same thing.

Not that I can recall, at least.

1 out of 3? You bet. Tons of examples from that.

2 out of 3? Maybe. I probably could think of some examples.

But 3 out of 3? I’m not God. And even if I were, I probably wouldn’t be that controlling.

Life is a dance. Yes, you can guide it and take the lead… but you’re also dancing with a partner, and they’re going to do their own thing sometimes, and you have to flow with that, in order for you both to enjoy the dance.

Photo Credit. Used with permission under CC BY-SA 2.0 license.

4 thoughts on “Manifesting: Pick 1 out of 3

  1. Love this! Ok so you can totally see your monkey mind go at it with this. Here’s what I’ve read and understand as very important in the process – anything you ascribe to the thing you want will LIMIT your outcome. I think in math terms and visuals like trajectories. You have an unlimited trajectory at the first desire minus what your subconscious programming involves. That is to say, if you hold a limiting belief (notice the name even has the word limiting), which really means a lie you chose to believe because hell you were probably too young to make sense of it, then that will shrink the trajectory.

    Context example: Desire = want a lover/partner. Limiting belief I might have picked up as a kid from parent/church/society could be something like “I must be quiet in order to be liked”. And there ya go, if you don’t uncover your limiting beliefs (which could also be called wounds BTW) then you will limit the outcome. However, if you can own your authentic, true born self then you can break that myth/lie and be your real self – not quiet and stifled, then imagine the partner that would come into your life then!?

    This was a VERY simplified example, but I hope that made sense.

    1. Liv, you beautiful, beautiful person. I don’t think you realize how timely, direct, relevant, and important what you just said was to me at this exact moment in my personal life. :-p

      First, I LOVE how you equated limiting beliefs and wounds. I never thought about it that way, but you’re so right! I don’t think necessarily every single limiting belief is a wound, but I would believe that every wound will turn into a limiting belief somewhere in life. I haven’t thought much about any of that yet. Thank you. Something new for my subconscious to chew on! 🙂

      As for the rest of everything you said about being your own authentic true born self… and imagining what kind of awesome partner might come into my life when I’m that — thank you. I’m pretty public/open about a lot of myself and my heart — the good and the bad — but obviously I don’t share “everything”-everything. lol. There’s still a few areas of myself that I feel REALLY insecure about… things that I fear make me unlovable, that will prevent a girl from wanting to be with me romantically long-term.

      It’s silly, stupid stuff. There’s no rationality behind it. Just an excuse, the “thing” my fears point to, but if it weren’t that thing, it’d be something else… Because, deep down, I still sometimes unfairly judge myself, I still have yet-completely-healed wounds that ARE creating massive limiting beliefs in me, particularly around being intimately loved…

      So anyway, yeah, thanks for your comment. Your words said more than perhaps you realized. In a very good way, my friend. <3

      1. Ok that explains why I felt SOOO compelled to share my thoughts. I love this post so hard! I love that more and more people are talking about it beneath the silly commercialized level of the famous “The Secret” which IMO was so whitewashed it was sad.

        Good luck to you! I hope you know that you are 1. perfect just as you are, 2. deserving of EVERYTHING you want to experience in this life, and 3. love every moment of life no matter what it looks like.

        “If you’re wondering what you are vibrating…..
        Observe your life.
        It is a PERFECT MATCH!”

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